Today is a good day. Rocco's numbers have been in the 100’s all day. He is currently slurping his favorite after school snack - chicken noodle soup. It is autumn and it is getting colder. Soup was the perfect option.
Today as I watch him slurp his soup, I wonder about his future. As I do, many thoughts creep into my mind. At six, I feel pretty good about the type of man he will become. My crystal mommy ball says he will take care of his diabetes responsibly. He is already handling it so well. He has never played with his insulin pump like a toy. He has never pulled his port out because he was curious. I also believe he understands that his diabetes, if handled the wrong way, is life threatening. Well, as best as a six year old understands life or death.
Often, I visualize moments of his future in my mind. I think of him taking off his pump to play football and knowing just how much insulin or carbs to give himself so he can sustain his energy throughout the game. I see him checking his blood sugar before the SAT’s to ensure he stays focused. I see him bringing all the necessary equipment for his care during his honeymoon.
These are the Pollyanna thoughts I have. My worrisome mother instinct sometimes eats at me like a devil on my shoulder. That devil says "what happens if he wants to binge drink in college?" or "what happens if in 5th grade they call him robot boy because he has a pump?". Just as every mother does, I worry.
I also worry about whether he will get low during a business meeting and "blow the deal". I wonder if his wife will check his blood sugar at night. I wonder how he will react when he is sixteen and I ask how his blood sugar numbers have been all day. I wonder if I will be as patient with him while he learns as he was while I learned.
It is also hard to imagine letting him take control of his diabetes. Currently, my husband and I handle everything except when he is in school. Then there is a Mary Poppins type lady that cares for him during the day. What will it look like when it is just him? No me, no dad, and no Mary Poppins.
How am I supposed to let him just learn? How am I supposed to let him make mistakes, mistakes that I know are either life threatening or will make him feel awful? I know he is going to want to ride his bike up to Dairy Queen and get the 131 carb large Blizzard like all of his friends. Finally, at what age or point do I let him take the reigns?
Gosh! Sometimes, these thoughts seem so overwhelming to me. So today, once he finishes his soup, I guess I’ll just teach him how to add and subtract...
2 days ago