I am sure you all remember "The List" from the show Friends. You know, the approved list of people you can "hang out” with (that's my code language for my PG13 blog) if you ever meet them. If you are too young (or maybe too old, ha!) to remember, here's how it went. First, you made a list of people you really liked. Mostly celebrities, mainly good-looking ones. Once the list was created, it had to be approved by your spouse. Once approved, the list gave you permission to "hang out" one time without getting in trouble with your spouse.
Well, my list back in the day included hotties like:
and Tim McGraw.
Oh, and hot cowboys.
No! Not like this...
More like this....
I just have a thing for cowboys. Just sayin’.
The other day, I realized that since I’ve turned forty, my list has drastically changed from my twenty-year-old version. The people I would like to "hang out" with now made me giggle.
Then, I started laughing because I also realized I really do only want to hang out with these people now in the platonic sense. Not "hang out", if ya know what I mean!
Here is my current "hang out" list:
What? The geek in the Apple store?
The other day, I went with my girlfriend to one of my favorite places in the world - the Apple store. It ranks just below Costa Rica but above Italy on my favorite place list. The creativity, the bright lights, the oozing technology and yes, my new favorite person on the planet - the Apple Genius! I could definitely have an affair of with one of these guys! Don't worry, I already told my husband! He said "Really?" Then, he said, "OK, put them on the list. Weirdo!"
Funny how the rules of attraction change. Previously, I was looking for a nice smile, big shoulders and dimples. Now all I want information! Apparently, brains really are beautiful. Well, at least for those of us who are over forty.
You see, as I do my blog, I am limited. There are dozens of ways to help spread the word about blogs. These methods are mainly on the”back side”. The back side refers to the technology that resides behind the apps, blogs, and websites. Things like hash tags, SEO and social media networking. See, I lost you already, haven't I? Well, me too! That stuff bores me to pieces. I like writing and connecting. I do not like doing the research necessary to get to the next level. It takes too long. First you must learn all of the gimmicks and techniques, and then you try to apply it using trial and error. That alone could eat up a good part of a forty-hour work week. Snore, snore, snore!
I need someone who already knows all this stuff and can teach me the methods that will work for me. Someone to teach me the efficient and effective stuff. Efficiently and effectively!
I decided last year that I would write my blog for a year. If I didn't like it, I would stop. If I liked it, I would invest in hiring an expert to make it bigger and more well-known. Well, it has only been nine months and I already know that I love it! I know that connecting with others through writing is my place in the world. It's the only place I get in the zone! Like a border collie herding sheep! I am focused and happy.
So, now I need to hire someone. But how? But who?
The bad news is, I had no idea where to start looking for someone to hire. Ugh! Where do you find a savvy geek? I thought about hiring a college kid at my local university. Maybe. Craig’s List, hmmm, probably, but how do I trust someone weird I find online? Then, it hit me! The Apple Store! There are tons of computer-savvy people there! Maybe they know something. When I want something, I am like a dog with a bone.
So, off I went. The minute I stepped into the space which is Apple, I got a rush!
It's always buzzing with people and ideas and most importantly, possibilities. I always want to tap someone on the shoulder and say "What are you going to use your iThing for?" Something only a few people know about me (well, until now) is- I am a techie junkie! I love technology.... If I could put Apple in charge of curing diabetes, it would be done in six months! Their cure would always work and would be easy to do. Every Apple product is just so easy to use! Call me a yuppy but give me a Starbucks pumpkin spiced latte, some indie rock music and any Apple product and watch me go!
So, when I got to the store I told the people holding iPads near the front door (aren't they like bouncers at a hot club in NYC?) that I needed to speak with a "Genius", as they so humbly call themselves. In my opinion, they couldn't have picked a better name. They know everything I want to know, so, to me, they are all as smart as Albert Einstein.
The bouncer at the door typed my name in her special iPad and told me the geniuses weer busy but one of them would be with me shortly. I know they do this because they want you to play with their toys. I am Apple-intoxicated but not Apple-naive. No problem. I was happy to wait and play. As I fall in love with all of the white products, Andy walks up to me. Ahhhhaaahhha! I could hear angels singing nearby and I saw a white glow around him!
Please God, let him have all the answers! Poor Andy had no idea what was about to hit him!
Andy politely walks up to me and introduces himself. I am so excited to get to my answers that I start nervously rambling. I try to keep a cool demeanor, but I can tell my heart is jumping around like that of a kid on a trampoline!
I tell him I write a blog. I am always a little shy to say this to people. I am always waiting for people to not take it seriously or not know what a blog is. Andy's response "That's really cool!" And he meant it!
Andy, my love, you had me at "That's". I suddenly am in love. Cartoon hearts float over his head. I am smitten! Then, he goes on to tell me that he writes a blog about his work in photography. To which I say,"That's really cool"! Why not? I’m speaking his language!
Then I get flustered, forget about my blog for a minute and start telling him about my current project making photo books. I’m embarrassed to tell him how many photos I have online, mostly of the kids. Let's just say it has 5 numbers in the total. That's all I'm sayin...I admit to the number of photos I have because I need to see how much memory I will need to complete my current photo book project. And do you know what he said? "Well, that's not alot. I have way more with my photography business". Angels sing and cartoon hearts flow.
Ok, Shari focus!
Of course, I want a Mac Book Pro laptop but do not need a Mac Book Pro. What I really need is new carpeting and a new driveway. But maybe I can Craigslist something I don’t need anymore in my house and invest the proceeds in new Mac Book Pro technology. This is the secret shell game played by many stay-at-home moms who are on a budget. Want/Need something new? Sell something old. I bought my entire new bedroom set entirely on money from selling old stuff on Craigslist. Hmmm.... What do I have to sell...
Finally, I get back to my blog and I tell him about my limited knowledge of the back side of the blog world. He listens intently nodding and then says, "I have just the guy you need to talk to". Really? Yay!!!! Jackpot!! My plan worked! The geeks (and I use that word lovingly) know other geeks! I love them all!!!Andy, will you marry me? At the very least, I wanted to go on a second date. I thought about asking him what time his break was so we could continue our connection over coffee. But, this is when my husband usually gently reminds me that strangers don't know my quirky personality and will think I am weird. I hear him protecting me in my head and I decide against requesting a coffee date. Andy then gave me the website of a guy that does EXACTLY what I need. Only problem is, his services cost about the same as a new MacBookPro. Want/need, yet again...
With the sweet feeling of success in my heart, I told him thank you so much! I almost kissed him, remembered my husband, then turned on my heels with a giant grin. I was on my way - in more ways than one!
As my girlfriend and I walked out of the store, she said, "Why do you have hives all over?" Oh God, the curse of the excited hives... Again...