Our long story shortened...

20 years of being in love

14 years of marital bliss

5 years of infertility

9 months of a high risk pregnancy

2 perfect boys (at the same time)

1 heart failure

1 type 1 diabetes diagnosis

1 happy life

To see the whole story click on the "about us" tab

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I am a stay at home mom who is raising twins. One of my guys has type 1 diabetes and one does not. I am writing this blog to unite type 1 parents or twin parents. Comment on my posts or in the "what's your high?" and "what's your low?" to join the community of parents just trying to do the best we can!

We won!





My dog peed on the carpet three times today. He pants heavily while standing. It may be heart failure. Probably is. His breath is stinky. He is almost deaf. He stands at the top of our deck stairs when it's time to go out and takes forever talking himself into making the four step trek down. His legs buckle underneath him if he stands too long.


But, even with all of that. I still love him. I am trying really hard not to because I am trying to separate myself. So it won't hurt so bad when it's time to put him to sleep. I just can't seem to do it. I know it's time, but I just can't.


It would be easy for me to tell my husband to take him. Even my friend said she would do it for me. But he is my dog and he trusts me. It's is my responsibility. It is my honor and duty to give him love and comfort in his last moments. Even if it is a terrible thing. I keep hoping I will come home one day and he will be gone so I don't have to make the choice. I have been waiting for six months.


How am I supposed to take him on his last walk?


How am I supposed to decide which meal is his last?


How am I supposed to drive to the vet?


He is old. He is 16. He is a shepherd-collie mix. He has been with me for my infertility, my bed rest, my two new 6 pound babies, my heart failure, Rocco's diabetes.  He has been with me duing the loss of my dad and the breast cancer with my now healthy (Thank God!) sister. He has seen me with greasy hair, ripped pjs, unbrushed teeth, Rocco's blood on me and Zeke's blood on me. He never cared. He has accepted me unconditionally. When I cried, he laid next to my bedside. When I squeeled with joy, he wagged his tail. He has seen me at my lowest and my highest. Just lying next to me.


He was a comfort when I was having a hard time trying to have a baby. I was so heart broken and lonely. I just needed to take care of something, anything. I had all of this love just bottled up waiting to burst. I was volunteering at a shelter at that time and I saw him. He had heartworms and was wild. I was afraid of him at first. His shepherd side was so strong. He was a year and a half. But he was beautiful. I got inside his kennel and knelt down. As soon as I started to squish his neck fur into my hands he leaned into me. He leaned into me so hard that he knocked me down. Then he just snuggled his way into my lap. All 60 pounds of him. I remember saying to him, "Aww, you need me as much as I need you". I brought him home on Valentine's Day.


He has been amazing ever since. My friend who used to pet sit for him said he is the most grateful dog she has ever met. During his early wild days, my dad saw through that and said he had a gentle soul. He was right. 


He still walks/ limps once a day around the block. He still eats every day. He still loves every day. But I know its close. It's just so hard.


How do you know when it's time to say goodbye? Did you ever have to put down your loved pet? 


Janet murray said...

We had to say goodbye 3 years ago to our dog of 12 years! We found a lump on his head. it looked like he had been stung. However after a few days it didn't go away. After 2 weeks of trying to figure out what it was they found the tumor pushing his eye out. We had to put him down 3 days later!! That was really hard in fact I have tears in my eyes as I write this. We were NOT prepared for that. We had our 2 year old twins and a 2 month old. You have the time to say goodbye and enjoy the last little while!! Enjoy it!! It comes to fast sometimes!!!

Unknown said...

Shar , my heart breaks for you. It is never an easy choice to make. I'm so proud of you for choosing to take King yourself. We had toput our "first baby" down after 1 1/2 years of cancer treatment. I was pregnant at the time and had two very small children at home at the time so my hubby took her and it has always haunted me that I was not there during her final moments. My kids say that the orange part of the sunset is the "doggie heaven" where all our loved ones are romping around happily forever! You made the right choice, holding on is for us and our needs. Letting go, while very difficult, was exactly what King needed. He's happy now and is home with all the years of wonderful memories that you gave him! You were a wonderful mom to him!